Kids and Electronics!
A rant: It’s driving me crazy!
Where do I even begin?
I’m so frigging tired of arguing about electronics. I set parameters that we all agree on and then . . . they complain and disregard the rules. They agreed on them!!!
If I had a crystal ball I would have never gotten my daughter a iPhone. It is a status symbol for the school she goes to *facepalm* and even though she can do everything on her phone that she could already do on her iPod . . . she can’t get off the fucking phone. (snap chat is the worst! the constant selfies and tapping with the streaks NOT TO MENTION when a kid gets grounded, other kids do their streaks for them! So that is double time on SC.)
I need a mental health professional to explain this to me! I’ve asked a few but the answers were inadequate. I don’t think anyone knows what to do. I think they are all afraid, I know I am.
Each kid is different but . . .
I believe that each child is a unique being that God has entrusted to me. Really I do. Each child responds differently to having the world at their finger tips. Now how to manage that. I can’t just take it away — the mental health professionals say that is too dangerous because of the addiction. Shit. What now?
The New System
I installed a new modem and wireless system so that I can track and control wifi use over the internet and I can limit when phone data is available. That works except that my one kid studies using the wifi past my bedtime and then the other kids gets on it after they hear me snoring. So that is a discipline issue that I will be dealing with . . . today after school. I’m hoping that I’m not this pissed in a few hours.
The system that I installed is super easy and I can monitor all the devices in the house either together or separately. I have xbox, kid’s school computers, personal devices, and computers. Netflix is by itself. Even with all of that, I still have people that are on past electronic curfew. *facepalm* no actually *bangingheadintowall*
The Discipline
What do I do now as a loving parent of a kid that has an “issue” with electronics? I’ve been told that it is bad to use the word addiction. And it’s also “bad” to ask your kids questions with WH words — such as, WHAT THE F@#% are you doing? or WHy did you stay up all night? But honestly, I’m so done being the conscious parent. Being mindful of their feelings. Being compassionate.
I pride myself on being gentle, loving, kind and respectful AND I thought I was doing a great job of teaching that to my kids but apparently not. Apparently my take responsibility of your actions, hippie mom approach hasn’t worked. I feel disrespected and lied to. Not great trust building qualities.
This is what I’m thinking:
If I set a curfew for driving the car and the curfew was broken — they would be grounded from using the car and not go to certain activities that required the car. Transferring that to the use of a cell phone — if they were out past curfew, they lose privileges. A cell phone is a luxury not a necessity.
I want to figure out a way to take away the luxury item without having them go through withdrawal symptoms. Crap. There is not a chapter in the Mommy Book about electronic DT’s.
Building Trust Again
I don’t want to be a parent that brings up the past. My mindfulness training is starting to seep back into this rant. I want the past to remain behind us and focus on the NOW.
Such a nice idea. That doesn’t work.
Why? Even if you leave the past in the past, the feelings of betrayal remain. In order to begin trusting again, I need to really forgive this kid.
And forgive the next time.
And forgive until my time on this Earth ends.
But before you think I’ve been a pushover, let me say this, I set boundaries. I forgive and put a fence up. I have a gate that swings open both ways AND has a lock on it.
I am not the door mat laying in front of the gate.
My fence is the boundary. Every person should have a fence, with a gate. Inside my gate I am grounded (working on that after this rant), gentle, loving, kind, respectful. Anyone can walk up to my gate and I decide if I’m going to let them in. Some of my kids still live inside my gate and some have left and are building their own fences — I assist when I’m invited to do so.
Parenting by Cause and Effect
This year, I decided to parent by cause and effect. If you forget your lunch, I’m not bringing one to school anymore after 3 years of weekly lunch drop offs. Since I’ve stopped, they have remembered.
The kids do their own laundry. Big game on Saturday and you can’t find your clean uniform. That’s a bummer. Better start “looking like a Mommy”.
Go on your phone past curfew . . . I’m going to go with a check in and check out system. I have the phone and then you use it, while I’m standing next to you and they give it back into hand. They are only allowed to be on it for 5 minutes each hour.
My thinking is I will only be inconvenienced by watching them for 5 minutes. Oh and the phone is ONLY used in the kitchen from this day forward (including the summer) and during the 5 minutes. I take the phone at night. I’m starting with this. I need something that I can manage and implement. If I can’t follow through there is no reason to do it.
Rant Over
Almost. You know what pisses me off most? When the parents of the kids have the audacity to tell me that their kids are never on their phones past (insert a time). It is bullshit. They want to think their kids don’t have a problem managing electronic use.
Leave a Comment! I’d love to hear what bits of wisdom you have or are you as frustrated as I am?
